Well this is it. After 3 months and 3 days, my Thoughts from
the Guardshack is giving its final thought. As promised, this post has been
written entirely while I sit on my butt in the guard shack…it’s the only proper
way to write the last one. I will close this blog out a little more properly at the
end, BUT FIRST we have a champion to crown! The Bachelor to the Rapture tourney
has become a hot topic on the NWC Eagles Football team, and I get asked almost
daily about some aspect of the tournament. I’m glad that what started out as
something to pass the time as I sat here overnight and waved at the 2 people
that would come onto campus (1 of which being the newspaper delivery lady)
turned into an enjoyable piece of reading for some. I have put some additional research
into this final installment and have interviewed both contenders to get a
little more in depth.
Introducing: Daniel “DJ”
Pyle
DJ came from Tim Youtzy’s bracket and had to battle Jacob
Fletcher, Josh Sinnen, Kevin Langmade, and by far the toughest opponent in
James “DJ Changalang” Chang to reach the championship match up DJ is a stunning
6’1” 225lb hunk of Florida-raised, orange-fed man that is self-described as 50% Mexican and 50%
mutt. Daniel attended Calvary Christian Academy, where he “didn't do a lot.”
That’s a quote from the man himself. However, he was captain of the all-star
football team he was on and also went to prom his senior year (junior year was
a no-go tho fo sho). A little bit about his senior prom…his date was “obsessed
with me, but I didn't want to date her, but I didn't know how to cut ties.”
Talk about playing hard to get! Actually, he revealed that the main reason was
that he was coming up to Minnesota and wanted to be available to the lucky
ladies of the N-Dub. When asked about what he looks for in a girl, Deej said
that he loves very blue eyes, brunette with blonde highlights (or blonde with
brown highlights), Caucasian, and taller but not taller than him in high heels.
And also, listen up ladies, he wants 2-3 kids (family man!!). When DJ first
found out he was in the championship he was upset…really upset. It took him a
solid week to begin to embrace the fact that he might actually win something
for the first time in his life! (sorry Deej…that was a low blow…I apologize..kinda).
By the time I interviewed him, he was running his mouth like a boxer before a
match (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsAC4lhbE0g).
His quotes include “Bauman has less time at NWC and he will be out in the real
world with more options” and “It’s time for an upset.”
The Challenger: Joey “Big
Stick” Bauman
Joe was ranked #1 overall in this tournament to begin with. He
marched easily through Marshall Repp, Caleb Couwenhoven, Kabakas “Big Smooth” “CoCo
Bear” Clark, and Cyle DeBoer. His dominance is like Goliath…no one he has faced
has stood a chance. I wish DJ’s first name would be David, because that would
make for a super sweet Bible metaphor here, but alas I just have to abruptly
end it...thanks a lot Deej. Joe is 5’9”212 lbs and was, until this year, the only NWC Eagle with a
state championship ring. During his high school career Joe was a pretty good
basketball player as well, and was the SnoDaze King his senior year as well as the lead
guitarist at prom. That’s right, ladies, the man taught himself how to play
guitar. Speaking of prom, his date, Jennifer, refused to go to prom unless she
could go with him. Why he didn't take that and run with it just adds to the
picture of how determined he is to stay single. Other female interaction came
in college, where Joey has been a study partner with a girl in his biology
class. While this might not seem like much, it’s a lot for Big Stick. In
complete opposite fashion of DJ, Joe’s face would light up every time someone
asked about who was in the championship. Deej’s frustration only added to Joey’s
joy and pleasure of being there. When asked for a comment on why he should win
this tournament, without missing a beat Joey said, “The day I was ranked number
one overall was the day I won.”
SOOO. Both sides have been evaluated, but there can only be
one winner. Who will be the Bachelor to the Rapture?
I predict that JOEY “BIG STICK” BAUMAN comes away with the
win and takes home the coveted (or maybe not so much?) ring and title of
Bachelor to the Rapture!!! I just could not take DJ…Joe is dead set on winning
this thing, and you can see it in his eyes. Deej, on the other hand, let slip in the interview that he has a couple fish in the sea at NWC that he is casting
his hook towards in hopes of getting a bite. Congrats Joe on the victory and
another championship ring to add to your collection!
Well, that does it for my predictions of the Bachelor to the
Rapture tournament. Remember, they were only my predictions…I’m excited to see
how this actually plays out.
With the close of the tournament comes a close to this blog.
I want to acknowledge my inspiration; first, to Lance Westberg for the original
NWC blog (http://lancewetberg.blogspot.com/)
and second to Tim Youtzy for his blog and his push for me to start one (http://timyoutzy.blogspot.com/).
Without these two men, my thoughts would have never left the guard shack, which
I’m sure in some people’s opinions may have been a good thing (s/o to the 1st
amendment!). I also want to thank my loyal readers, especially, but definitely not limited
to, Tim Youtzy, Isaac Schultz, Lauren Cleope, Coach Kirk Talley (and the
sweetest woman on NWC soil, Mrs. Talley!!), and Greg Johnson. Also thanks to
all my teammates for being troopers through this and having fun with it. It
made it fun to write when people were discussing it. Last but not least, I want
to thank Northwestern College Public Safety and all of the student officers who
came before me and sat in this shack with nothing to do during the summer. It
was an honor to share my thoughts and hopefully provide you with a little humor
along with it. It’s been real, thanks for reading. God bless.
