Hello my fellow Americans. After my last blog generated some
mixed reviews, I first want to address that. I apologize to anyone who was
offended by my sarcasm. I honestly have nothing against soccer players (my
roommate is a soccer player); they have just been known as field fairies for as
long as I can remember. They make fun of us, we make fun of them, and
everyone’s a winner. I also want to give a special thanks to a Christian mentor
of mine for calling me out on my strong usage of negative language. He called
me and we had a nice conversation, and I realized (thanks to him) that I was
out of line in some spots. I went back and toned down the harsh spots, and I
feel the edited version more accurately describes my point while still
maintaining some comedy (I hope). I honestly really love NWC and NWC Football,
and it has been by far the best 3 years of my life.
SO, now that we have that taken care of, let’s move on to
the here and now. In this post’s thoughts, I am going to address some
differences between living in the cities and living in the boonies. If you
don’t know what the term “boonies” means, I automatically peg you as a city
slicker. But, hey, that’s ok…I hope this blog can give you an appreciation for
my homeland.
As many of you know, I grew up ¼ of a mile outside of a
small town in Iowa, Frankville to be exact. Frankville is a bustling metropolis
of about 75 people, and we technically are considered a village because we
don’t have a mayor. We have one bar and one church. On Christmas Eve day the
bar has their customer appreciation day, so the town comes and has food and
drinks (don’t worry N-Dubs, this guy has a pop). The bar then closes down at
about 4 so everyone can go home and get dressed for church that night. Since
Frankville is lacking a little bit in the population department, all of us
Frankvillians drive the 10 minutes to school in Postville, a town of about
2,000. There are about 170 kids freshmen-senior, and I graduated in a class of
36. That’s right, three-six. You have to drive 15 minutes to get to a town that
has a stoplight in it and about an hour and a half to get to an interstate
highway. This brings me to my first difference between the cities and the country:
Traffic/Driving:
As mentioned in “Life Lessons from Coach Talley” I am having
trouble getting used to the traffic up here. As you may have noticed in the
last paragraph, back home you measure distance in time. If you were to ask a
local for directions, you are likely to hear something like, “Well you drive
east for 4 minutes or so, turn by the ol’ Van Wey farm, go north on roller
coaster road for a ways and turn right after the big bend.” Why is distance
measured in time? Well, simply put, you pretty much go between 55-60 mph the
whole time. Slow traffic is handled easily by passing, and the only time you
have to slow down is if you get stuck behind a tractor in a no passing zone
(also known as a traffic jam back home). It’s a given to assume you will go a
mile a minute (60mph=1mpm for you non-math people out there…don’t listen to
her: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhm7-LEBznk
).
In the cities, if I get somewhere without having to slam on
my breaks multiple times because of some moron cutting across 4 lanes of
traffic with no blinker, it is a rare jewel of a day! In the cities, my 15 mile
commute to Henry Sibley High School (where I coach) can take anywhere from
25-50 minutes. I could rant for days about why this happens, but I will avoid
that for your sake. All I want to say is that 1) blinkers are meant to tell
others where you intend to go, not where you have already gone or where you have
already started going. Even simpler, USE the blinker. It’s there for a reason. And
2) When one of the lanes is closed and you are asked to merge, it doesn’t mean
go to the front and try to wiggle in. Get over yourself—you aren’t the
president so you don’t get special privileges.
The last point with this is that in the country, you look at
who the driver is in the other lane. Chances are you know them, but even if you
don’t you throw up the 2 finger wave and smile. I did that my freshmen year up
here and I quickly realized from the awkward and sometimes threatening stares
that I was on track to get shot at sooner or later.
Country-1, Cities-0
Accessibility:
Back home, if you want McDonalds, it’s a 15 minute drive.
Walmart or a grocery store? 15 minutes. Movie theatre? 15 minutes. Gas station?
10 minutes. There were times in high school where I put off filling my car up
one trip too long and I had to go to the machine shed (if you don’t know what
those are, google it) and get the can of lawn mower gas just so I could get
into town. Going to an actual mall was a big occasion that involved an hour and
a half drive, and I think I went to one twice in my first 18 years of life.
Compare that to now: I can chose between 4 different McDonalds within a 4 mile
radius of NWC. There are 2 malls within 1.5 miles, with the Mall of America
about 25 minutes away. Grocery stores? Take your pick. Gas stations? A dime a
dozen. Movie theatre? One right down the road in Rosedale (AND it has multiple
screens!!). The options are endless for things. In fact, when my family comes
up to visit, we drive around for way too long because there are so many restaurant
options that they can’t decide which one to go with. Growing up, you had to
plan ahead because nothing irritated mom more than having to run into town at
8pm to get a gallon of milk because you forgot to put it on the grocery list
and now she can’t finish her ___ (insert food here) she’s making for some
potluck. Now I can just scoot on over and pick some up. While this is great, it
is also problematic. Freshman year just the idea of a McDonalds being so close
had me eating there way too much…45 pounds later I still struggle with this
fact. But that’s beside the point. The point is, I love having things so close!
Country-1, Cities-1
Atmosphere:
This tie breaker category is a biggy. First: smell. The
cities have various smells, none of which bring distinct memories to my brain,
unless you count the smell of marijuana that reminds me of when I used to
donate plasma down on University Ave for an extra $55/week (quote heard there: "I thought somethin' smelled like weed, but then I realized I'M the one that smelled like weed!"). However, I can tell
you the instant I smell cow manure, and let me tell you it is then that I throw
my head back, inhale deeply, and sigh “Ahhh home.” I can’t begin to count the
number of times I’ve heard the phrase, “Smells like money” said growing up when
passing a particularly smelly manure spreader. I suppose to city people this
may not be pleasant, but let me just say that that smell is why your gas, meat,
milk, etc. isn’t even higher priced than it is already.
Second: Wide open spaces. When I go home I make a point of
peeing outside at least once, just because I can. Also, there is nothing
more free in life than to run around in the yard naked as a small child, and I
think this may be part of why city folk grow up to be so stressed out. Once you
pass that ok-to-run-around-naked age, you can run around the yard catching
lightning bugs or stare up at the stars. I haven’t seen a single lightning bug
in the 3 years I’ve been in the cities, and that is quite depressing. For these
reasons, as soon as I have kids (Lord willing, and assuming I ever get fully
enrolled in 201 and beyond) I will make sure they can enjoy these things.
The tie breaker, in my mind, is not even close. Country-2,
City-1.
While my comparison is not extensive, I feel it highlights
some big differences. Each place has its good and bad, but at the end of the
day, this saying holds true: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8-B5cyfK6A
